I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
