i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
