dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
