Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
