My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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