She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
