I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
