so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's rum buckets o'clock
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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