I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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