note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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