Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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