yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
