Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
