I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
