doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
