Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
