She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
