So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
