you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
