We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
"it" just moved
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
