he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
50% drunk capacity currently
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
