Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
