Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
