Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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