my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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