Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
