he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
