Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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