i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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