so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
