as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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