google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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