4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
