i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
