just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I could make wine with my vomit
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
