11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
