I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
