I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
