All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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