He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
