Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
