just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
