Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
