I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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