what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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