Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
