id be glad to
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
