She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
