How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
