I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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