i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
