how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
