i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
