Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
