That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
