Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
